Suck it up and shut up....family vent....

Warning. This is a family vent and it may not be very pretty or nice. Do any of you have a family member that you just CAN NOT STAND one tiny bit and every single thing they do annoys the ever living shits out of you? No? Well my sister in law clearly does that for me and I can get along with just about anyone. I never have a problem in that department. Just a little background history for ya and I am in no means dissing her lifestyle because I truly feel that if you enjoy the way you live your life than it is no ones business to talk nasty about it but I can have an opinion about her because she clearly voices her opinion about the way we live our lives here.

So with that said my sister in law is a hippy. When I say hippy I do not mean someone who wears tie dies and listens to grateful dead music. I am not talking about someone who baby wears and cloth diapers and goes all natural...well she does do that but I am talking she is a true hippy.  She lives in the woods in a tree house and does not really participate in society. She does not bathe...except in a creek and rarely washes her clothes. She doesn't shave...anywhere nor wears deodorant and is basically natural in every SINGLE sense of the word. She lives with no running water and eats only food grown on "the land". She basically ran away from home when she was 18 and moved across the US to go to college. But she got caught up with some other natural folks and basically dropped out of college and went on to build tree houses deep in the woods and live commune like with other people. She has lived like this now for over 10 years. Two years ago she and her on and off man produced an offspring. Good thing he was a boy and likes mud. Thats all I am saying.

So once a year she comes home to visit. She clearly hates all of us and only does it because I guess it makes her feel bad to not visit her parents every so often. I have never gotten along with her. She is one of the most judgmental people I have ever met in my life who believe that if you don't live like her then you are not living right and basically we are just all materialistic losers who haven't found the holy grail on the best and only way to live out your life like she has. She voices her opinions very deeply and doesn't budge. She makes you feel stupid every single time you open your mouth and she wont agree with you unless you were about to push her in front of a moving train and that would still be a long shot.

Well, now she has this kid. At first I was pissed that she would bring a child into her world when I couldn't possible see it as very healthy but happy she didn't abort this one too. When he came I just felt sorry for him that he had to live like that especially when I saw how filthy he was and how he smelled and totally freaked out to see a house with "TOYS!!!!!! as they are not common place where he lives. Plus, he was not well behaved at all and more resembled a wild organtang than a human boy. Last time he came to visit I found myself wiping boogers and cake off every single inch of the walls and putting up the thousands of toys he would dump into the floor and then walk right off. He also had clearly not been around other children since he would cry every time Miss G touched one of her toys because I guess he thought they were all for him and how dare another child try to take them. None of that bothered me as much though as his mother and how she would NEVER once discipline him and if I said anything to him she would glare at me and basically mumble that I was a "fucking idiot" just with her body language. I was so glad when they left.

Now they are here again and he is older 2.5 and things are so much worse and I find myself wanting to wrap my hands around SIL's neck every second they are in my presence. I will just give you some annoying examples of her and the kid and the situations I have dealt with this last week:

1. While we were cooking dinner SIL opened the back door to the yard and started to take the kids out. It had rained all day and was super muddy and neither of them had shoes on. I went out there and asked her if they could please not go off the patio since it was muddy and I didn't want them to get in the sandbox when it was all wet and right before dinner. Not even two minutes later I looked out the window to find Her and her son barefoot and knee high in the sand. I told MIL about it hoping she would go drag them in since I was so pissed I would explode and they complied. But as her son was coming to the porch I watched him step in a huge muddy spot and when I told her oops he just stepped in mud her reply was that it was dry even though I watched him make footprints across the patio. So I had to stop him at the door and wipe his feet back and forth because I just spent like hours cleaning my carpet. Why???? I had clearly asked her not to so she was a bitch and did it anyways.

2. Every time her kid wanted a toy she would drag it out and not even think to put it back. He would dump out an entire bag of baby toys and then walk away and so would she. After two days of following him around picking up all his messes I finally spoke up. He opened the closet and wanted this big basket in there that had all these random small toys in it that would equal another huge mess. I stepped in and said "SIL, lets not get that out because he is just going to dump it and walk away and would not be interested in those toys anyways" and then I get the evil eye and she turns on this high pitched baby voice and says "well as long as we pick them up after is it OK to get it out?" I told her that she could get out any ting in the entire house that she wanted as long as when he walked away she put it all back exactly like it was. Now, I felt like a huge bitch but guess what? She never dumped the basket out.

3. She wanted the kids to bathe together. I freaked inside because her kid is so dirty and sometimes I actually wonder if he could have a parasite or something. BTW they travel to remote areas of third world countries and he is not vaccinated...so I have a reason to think that. Anyways I didn't feel I could really say no because that would just imply I in fact felt the above way and didn't want her to think I think that. SO after she again dump every single toy in existence in the tub she puts her kid and mine in there and they start playing. I told her I had this totally organic type bath wash stuff called Mustela she could use and in return she responded "Oh no....we don't use soap...just water." My mom said at that point I should have ripped Miss G out of the tub and ran screaming but I just remained calm. Then her kid peed in the water and I was all like ummm....gross and she thought again I was a total paranoid clean freak. But after her kid kept splashing water in Miss G's face and she went to drink the water I quickly got the towel and that was that. I offered her some clean clothes for her son but of course the dirty ones he was just wearing were perfectly good. cause you know when you take a bath to get clean you put your dirty clothes back on right? Moron. Then, she of course never even offered to help me pick up all the bath toys.

4. Her kid wanted to walk around my house with a blue lollipop. Again he is 2.5 and is a sub species of monkey so I flat out just said no on that one and she totally thought I was a crazy bitch again.

5. Did I mention she and her son were barefoot in my back yard where my dog does all of his daily business and there is not a single inch of that yard that hasn't been covered in doodoo at one point?

6. She let him eat a chocolate chip cookie and somehow he managed to put a choc chip in between his toes and walked around melting it all over my clean carpet. I think now her entire goal was to mess up my carpet because she just couldn't stand that I was such a clean freak...and believe me I am not that much of a clean freak. Do you think she offered to de-stain the carpet? Nope.

7. Her son got diarrhea and she blamed it on me because I had given him a couple bites of a donut and he just isn't use to eating stuff like that and it upset him. Yet, she told me a story about how he had so much fun licking the back of the airplane seats and how sometimes you just have to let kids be kids and WTF????? Not tell your kid No? When they are clearly licking something covered in germs? Yeah I am so sure that bite of donut caused that runny poo. Gimme a break!

8. So we were supposed to go to the pool tomorrow and I really wanted to go and since my SIL sensed that she made up some story about how she didn't think her kid would like the pool even though it was zero depth and he bathes in a creek at home? Plus, I remember her clearly whining about having to get in a swimsuit and actually It would be a little horrifying since that women has hairier pits than Mr. G and his dad put together. So, She said she wanted to go to this kids museum because he would enjoy that so much more. I called later and told MIL that the kids museum they want to go to was for 4 and up and had nothing for our kids and that we should go to this one near me because it is for little kids and would be way more fun and yada yada yada. She didn't want to go to the pool and I didn't want to go to her museum...  SO can you guess who got their way and where we are going tomorrow? If you guessed me you do not get to pass go or collect $200.00.

I could go on and on about the hell and annoying crap I have gone through the past few days and how I am sooooooooo not looking forward to the rest of the week but I am just way to pissed off to even think about it anymore. I am just trying to get through the rest of her stay here without clawing her eyes out of her head with her bare hands or hanging myself. I wont say anything really mean about her kid because its clearly not his fault that he happens to live with barbarian women and has no manners at all. I just fear next year when he is 3.5...shudder. Oh, never mind hubby just reminded me she will be back for Christmas. Wow, what a hell of a way to spend the holidays. Pray for me guys. Pray I make it through this without losing my mind and attacking her. I am really trying to remain pleasant and not be so uptight but am I really out of line here? Should I just get over it or should I speak my mind more to her and not back off?

Note: On the upside...Miss G loves her cousin and I do like to see her happy. They do love to play together and get along well. But that is only because Miss G is very well behaved and knows how to share and give in when needed. That is the only good in this though. Period.

Comments

[Monica C.]

Can't Mr. G put his foot down and say something to her? She is totally out of control and that bath story was the straw that broke the camel's back! Tell her to stay outside in your backyard on her next visit, if she is more comfortable in the great outdoors!

Seriously, I would set up a tent out there and tell her that the baby can stay inside, but that her dirty, sandy, FUNKY, nasty self can stay outside with the squirrels, racoons and dog poop!

I totally FEEL for you - and I would NOT let her spoil my Christmas, if I were you!!!!

Sending clean, sanitized ((((hugs))))) your way! :)

[The Princess]

Oh you poor thing. If I was in your shoes I would be going insane by this point. I am a clean freak and cringe at the sight of people wearing shoes around my house. You are a stronger person than I am!!

[Lindsey]

That sucks!! Hang in there....the weekend is almost here!!

[niki]

Love the tent in the back yard idea. Hysterical!! Oh girlie, I totally feel for ya. She sounds horrible. I have some similar "issues" that pale in comparison, but your words definitely resonate with me! Haha!!

[jane]

man, what a nightmare. i wouldn't have handled that half as good as you have. you are a real trooper... good luck with the rest of the week.

[Kelly Pattison]

Please, tell more! It was so heinous it was funny!!